Why My Teacher Tote is Basically a Black Hole

Would you agree that teacher totes aren’t bags? They’re survival kits. Portable classrooms. Emotional support containers. You never really empty a teacher tote; you just shuffle the chaos around and pray your shoulder doesn’t give out before lunch duty. Here’s a peek inside the typical teacher tote from my perspective.

Ridiculously Real Items You’ll Find in a Teacher Tote:

1. Three different planners: All started with good intentions. I replaced those with post-it notes and panic.

2. An entire pharmacy : Advil, Tums, allergy meds, mystery mints from 2018.

3. A stapler... with no staples. 

4. 17 Pens/Markers: Only one works. You’ll never find it.

5. Broken lanyards from PDs past: You don’t remember the training, but you’ve got the badge!

6. A crusty banana: You packed it for a “healthy snack” two weeks ago. It now has tenure.

7. Random seasonal décor: A glitter turkey, half a broken ornament, and some deflated Valentine hearts.

8. Lunch you packed but didn’t eat: Because that glorious 17-minute lunch break? It was instead spent regrading tests the system marked wrong, but not because the answers were wrong, but because students didn’t use capital letters. Good times.

9. A laminator sheet you might use someday: Just one. Like it’s sacred.

10. Mysterious crumbs: Whose are they? Why do they smell like sadness?

11. Your will to live... somewhere near the bottom, under the staff meeting notes.

Conclusion: The tote isn’t just a bag. It’s your sidekick. Your battle pack. Your emotional support duffel. And every time someone says, “Wow, what do you even keep in there?”, you just smile. Because even if you told them, they wouldn’t believe you.